They say God gives us only as much as we can handle in life.
But I think he gives us just a little bit more than we can handle… to show us our blind spots, to humble us, but mostly to make us invincible.
The twins have arrived! Two. I still can’t believe there are two of them!
Everyday that we make it through feels like a miracle. Having two babies was the luckiest and the hardest thing that has happened to me. The entire process from beginning to now is just a miracle.
Two babies, it’s a lot for me! And I know there are people handling 3, 4 even 6! But for me, two is a handful! They consume my entire day… in the best possible way! But one falls asleep, the other wakes up. One finally stops crying the other starts. I’m feeding one, the other is spitting up all over herself. WHAT?!
But the real challenge (for me) isn’t even that there are two of them. That’s magic. I just know, I mean I really knooow, that one would have been easy breezy for me. That’s why God dumped 2 on me! **To be clear: I'm not saying I needed two babies because I'm too good for one or I am better at momming. I am saying there needed to be 2 to challenge my tolerance. Some people need one, some need 6. It's a matter of tolerance, not superiority or inferiority. :)
Everyday, they teach me. It’s fascinating - how much I am learning about myself. They make me see so much of myself, and it isn’t all that pretty. But it’s where I am going to grow. They show me my blind spots. They show me limits and tendencies that I haven’t seen in myself in a while. Mostly because no one made me look at them.
I used to hear parents screaming at their children in public or literally dragging their flailing kids out of a store with such rage on their faces. I was so scared that I would be that parent - worse, that I wouldn’t have the self awareness to realize it.
Now, I also was afraid that I would be blindly led into a lot of things - In high school, we watched a health video on suburban moms who got caught up in crystal meth, and I convinced myself that I was going to accidentally get hooked on meth if I were a suburban mom. I guess I am proud to tell you, I never touched drugs. Never even smoked a cigarette. Okay, maybe marijuana, but hey it was college!
Practicing mindfulness, meditation, yoga - whatever - it helps you realize that there is a moment in between any given instance and your reaction to it. It is an infinitesimal flash. It’s so quick, you have to be reaaally paying attention to catch yourself in it. It isn’t a game for the weary. But it’s there.
When I can access this moment, I can control my response. As long as I can catch myself in this instant - when I want to explode - I won’t ever have to be that enraged parent.
I have bad nights - and days. I lose my cool, at least once a day. But I know how to get it back. I know that sometimes I am just hungry, tired or I need to do freaking yoga. And that’s okay. I am human. I will have moments - or hours, or days - of weakness. As I learn to see those rough spots, I also give myself the opportunity to soften in them. That’s what these damn kids do - they soften me every day. I cry when they cry. I cry when they laugh. It's so easy; it's so hard. It's absolute madness! They make me crazy, which in turn makes me be better.
It’s amazing. Everything in your life is a lesson. If you think your life situation is too much to handle, it very well may be - for now. Don't let it work you. Instead, use it to learn, to grow.
When the universe gives you more than you can manage in your life, it isn't meant to break you. It's meant to make you invincible.
Mindfulness is the active and ongoing process of bringing one's self back into the present moment and all that it entails - physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally.
This weeks Mindfulness: